A Breastfeeding Scare

This little kid gave me a bit of a scare recently- he refused the breast! 

just before i leave for a nightshift, i used to be able to nurse Max and keep him topped up just before bed. Even though it usually is no problem even 30 mins after dinner, a few nights ago he was adamant that he didnt want the boob. despite a mild concern for leaking and feeling uncomfortable while at work, i let it go as it would only be 16 or so hours until i can routinely feed him next when i come home in the morning. By the time next day, my nipples were tingling and my breasts were fuller. Unfortunately/fortunately Max and husband were already into the first nap so I couldnt feed- but since it was my day off, i thought i could just offer Max a feed when he woke up. but NOPE, he kept refusing all freaking day! this guy hasnt refused to nurse since he was around 5 months or so, and he never really had a reason to refuse this time as i chose particular times of day when he would be pre-meal. Man alive, i tell you i was starting to panic! has he rejected me/the breast cold turkey? no No NO!

the WHO recommends babies to be breastfed for at least 24 months, great! But setting that aside, i really really love nursing and i want to wait until he self weans. 2 years old? 3 years old? 4 years old? until i get pregnant again and my milk supply changes? Right now, i am n-o-t ready to wean to less than 2 feeds a day or stop all together. i love our special time alone together in the early morning (though i do wish it was a later wake up time) and providing some nourishment and thirst quencher after a good nights sleep. And, i love our time alone in the dark just before bed knowing that he'll have a full belly for a good nights sleep. i love everything i've learned about the benefits of breastfeeding and i want my baby to continue to receive all the goods. i dont care to get my breasts back, i dont care to be 'free,' i want to breastfeed and it is truly an honor to do this for him. however, i was feeling rejected and dejected that this little man was refusing me! nevermind me needing to wean him off the breast, the guy has to wean me from having him on the breast!  i am so attached to him. (i can just see myself as being a helicopter parent or one of those parents who are so nervous at the thought of letting their kids spread their wings)

my last attempt for the day was his bed time routine. if he refused me then i was ready to curl up in my room and cry from 1) engorgement and 2) my new sense of loss. 

But he breastfed. thank God. 

i was physically, emotionally, and mentally relieved that he fed and he continued to feed at the same times during the rest of my days off. my conclusion was that this kid, like me, loves routine and schedules and all those nursing offers were out of the routine and he was thrown off by it. is SO me, he is truly a fruit of my loins. 

tugging at my pant leg. He wants mamma! 

for entertainment purposes