happy 2 Months to Mikkel!

1. love her little curled body stretches after getting off of the carrier. Arched back, bum sticking out, knees bent, 2 arms erect, fisted hands, scrunched up facial expression...super super cute
2. i love how I lay her down about a 10" away from me, only to find her pressed against me and touching me with some body part a few hours later. Sometimes she's on her right side, we're face to face with her left hand touching my breast. Sometimes she's on her tummy, left side pressed against me, head turned to the right. Sometimes her back is pressed against my front and she's facing away from me. All these positions towards me maneuvered all by herself
3. love watching her attempts to move near me in the dim light at the wee hours of the morning (when she's noisy enough to wake me up) usually after a feed. lots of grunting, squeaking, wriggling, stretching, jerking of arms and legs, kicking out of arms and legs, and many breaks in between to get as close as possible
4. i love when she makes a little O with her mouth like she's saying "ooooooo" but no sound comes out. small, little, red feminine lips. fragile, darling, sweet, baby girl
5. love her toothless reflex smiles when she's about to fall asleep. Her first purposeful smile that i actually noticed was on October 19! Now when she smiles, there's a brief chuckle included, excuse me while i melt!
6. i love that she only sleeps on the carrier because it allows me to share our time with my toddler. Even though my left trapezius is in pain, it's all worth it to be able to go on food dates with my son, go shopping, take him to the park, and carry on with high energy toddler needs. My second pre-baby mommy guilt is gone as i've found some balance between the two
7. i love how she sleeps with her arms up, totally an infant trademark that will sadly go away as she grows
8. love our bedtime routine of me giving her a sponge bath and then holding her in the dim light in the bedroom. minimal outside noise (fan is on for white noise) and just her and I in peace. In the 45-50 mins it takes for her to fall asleep, I can watch her subtly change from awake to asleep (associated facial expressions), her general appearance changes and growth, and appreciate the little healthy being in front of me without distraction. it's our only 1:1 time in the day
9. i love how it only took cornstarch to rid her of her stinky cheese smell! dang those cute rolls of hers; trapping moisture, brewing bacteria, making her stinky. Those rolls though make her so yummy, enough that i want to take a nibble of her often
10. love how good of a sleeper she is compared to Max. No swaddle, no pacifier, no sleep sac, no rocking, no constant googling for advice. just a onesie and sleeper for sleep because she doesn't like hindered range of motion. I can leave the room within a 5 minutes of her falling asleep (vs. at least 15 minutes for Max). she stirs awake and soothes herself to sleep with some coos, grunts and repositioning. Sometimes a snack feed is needed to help her get back to sleep when Max and I aren't ready for sleep, but more often than not she's soothed herself with NO tears involved
11. i love how she is such a chill baby. thankfully we haven't experienced the "just because," PURPLE type of crying with her. She gives warning yelps which escalate over 30 minutes or so if we haven't met her needs. Cries are usually because she's hungry, she's sleepy, she wants to be held, she wants a repositioning, she wants to poop or has already pooped on the carrier but something is making her uncomfortable. Maybe it was first time parent ignorance, but I recall Max going from 0-10 if he wasn't comfy! 
12. love how she isn't phased by other people holding her (vs. Max who cried instantly if anyone but me was holding him even at a young age) 
13. I love how she appears to be genuinely interested in Max. she's always looking at him when he's near her; paying attention to whatever he's doing. And because I'm saying "Max stay with her for a second," or "Max rock the bouncer," or "Max wind up her toy and play music," more often than not, i think she knows he's here to stay and that he loves her so much and will teach her so many things (he is such a good kid)
14. what i don't love though is how she hates the car seat. Doesn't fall asleep for long, stirs awake at a stop light, cries cries cries. She is not a good travel companion! i don't have a stroller that you can click a car seat onto, but at this point, there's no point in getting one because she just can't tolerate the bucket seat
15. what i can put up with but don't love is that she needs to be on the carrier (hopefully asleep) if i were to eat out at a restaurant- essentially related to the car seat issue. imagine eating with your food about a foot away and you have to turn half your body to the side so you can put food in your mouth! imagine not being able to order what you want because (things like hot soup) food can spill on your child's head! imagine having to eat standing up intermittently, dancing on the spot, or having to hold the plate over your child's head and rocking on the spot so she doesn't stir awake and I can carry on socializing with friends! 

^^ can turn head side to side every now and then. loathes tummy time like all babies do! ^^

^^ escalating! tired little girl and wants to go on the carrier to sleep ^^

love my girl! 

I've said this before, but I thought i couldn't love any one more than I do my first born, but this girl shows me that I have more love to give, and more to me than what I thought was possible. I can't imagine our family without her (of course it doesn't hurt that she is SUCH A GOOD BABY)!

Life Lately, 1 month Post Partum!

they said, second baby's are so much easier!! 

and from my experience, this has proven to be true (knock on wood) in the first new normal month of our household. Maybe I just know what to do this time around? put to breast whenever and often, don't sleep with husband in same room, lower expectations for house cleanliness, lower expectations for daily activities, give husband a 'job' ie. take Max out, utilize the iPad (!!). Or that this baby is such a good baby, and not as needy as my #1 in their infancy "girls are so much easier!" they said. 

Mikkel!

^^ born like this; her hand against her face ^^

she's essentially asleep for 2.5-3 hours, and then feed/diaper change/tummy time, sleep again. she absolutely despises being swaddled and sleeps with her arms up, which is adorable (and temporary). she also can't stand a pacifier, giving me a look of disgust at any of my attempts at placing one in her mouth. our typical day:

• bedtime routine starts at approx 7:20pm (wipe down, naked tummy time, gum brushing) all while very upset and crying. typical fussy time. at near 745pm, it's a feed where she sometimes takes milk from both breast, but more often now 1 will do for 2.5-3 hours. her and i have our 1:1 cuddle time in a night-light lit room until she falls asleep - i just hold her, stare tenderly at her, and wait for her limbs to go flaccid, and then transfer her to her co sleeper
• throughout the night, it's a feed and sleep routine. usually she's in bed with Max and I after her first wake up. I change her diaper only if she poops because if she gets over stimulated, she thinks it's play time and neither of us won't be going back to sleep for 1.5 hours- whereas i'm just dying for sleep and getting ultra irritable
• wakeup time can vary from 730am to 830am, which sets us up for another fussy time until i put her on the carrier for another nap
• at night she goes to sleep right away after a feed, but during the day, she only sleeps while on the ergo (thanks to nursing, I'm a pro at holding it in ha!)
• needs a nap at dinner time lasting until just about 7pm or she'll be so overtired and will take forever to put down for night sleep. so far I've been diligent that this happens because her down time is my up time with Max

nice to know...

• as of Sept 23, she's about 9 lbs 9oz
• her favourite side to sleep on, which almost is a sleep inducer for her overnight, is on her right side. this is consistent with her behaviour in utero as i always felt her body on my right side. she can turn her head to her left without discomfort, but range of motion isnt as fluid as the other way
• we sleep so well co sleeping
• she's doesn't have much of a shrieking, high pitched type of cry. she gives me warning "wah!" sounds which escalate a brief amount of time. super helpful overnight when I don't want Max to wake up
• she gets hiccups often, same as while in utero
• black hair, grey eyes

^^ the Ergobaby carrier is a must have for us. only way she'll nap during the day ^^

Max!

Max started preschool this September and i firmly believe it's one of the best decisions we've made for him. he's absolutely thriving in the school setting and has bonded with his teachers. i was really worried about Max's separation anxiety, and consulted so many blogs and forums. The consensus from real time mom's (and teachers) was that I needed to try to just leave him there. even though tears will be had, it won't be forever. During gradual entry (3 classes over 2 weeks), I stayed with him while baby wearing for the entire 2 hours- he didnt play with other kids, he didnt interact with teachers, and he didnt really participate in group time. He wanted to show ME everything and do everything with ME, and follow ME wherever I went (can you imagine how exhausting that is with a baby strapped to your chest and you can't really sit down properly? aiya!). On our off days, we talked about having courage, how we love him so much, how we will ALWAYS come back, and of course how to ask the teacher to go to the washroom. I let him bring a toy to class that reminded him of home, and most importantly, per the idea of my friend Helen, i gave him a picture of my husband and I that he could carry in his pocket and look at whenever he was lonely or needed some strength. 

First day tears, the teacher basically took him far from me, while i walked out after kisses and hugs and hung around taking a peak for 10 minutes- then I went home guilt ridden and on the verge of tears. When I went back for pickup (extra early of course), he was all smiles as i took a peak, and the teacher feedback was 'he did great!' Second day, watery eyes, kisses and hugs, picture of us in his hand, gave him to the teacher, and I left the building. 'He did great!' was the after school feedback, and he carried our picture in his hand throughout the entire class (aw!). Now 1 month in, he tells me that it's ok that I leave him at school all by himself (!!) and no tears or picture in hand needed. He's all smiles, kisses, hugs, and happy when I pick him up- yes! 

As for his relationship with his sister, he absolutely loves her! I asked if he gets upset when he's woken up in the middle of night by her cries, and he say's 'no she's a baby' happily. He tenderly asks her, 'what's the matter girl?' and hugs her, kisses her, pets her, rocks her on the bouncer, and heck even tells ME that she needs milk and to pick her up and hug her. i think they're going to have a wonderful relationship. I can leave this world in peace!

As for us...

my husband sleeps in another room, and gets plenty of sleep (tough life eh?). his job is to take Max out to the park at least for an hour, at least once a day (twice lately, since it's been so beautiful!). he's not exactly free from responsibility like when we just had #1, so when I am able to live in the moment and cherish some peace and quiet, i know it's not by my means alone, it's because my husband is doing something with loud, energetic, defiant Max! He's also been pretty useful in the food department and getting our daily groceries and cooking some meals. anything helps!

my post partum recovery has been pretty smooth. I'm getting sleep, albeit choppy sleep at night, but I'm able to chug along sans coffee. my biggest complaint is my lochia which fluctuates from nothing, to saturation especially during and or after activity like baby wearing. I'm trying to take it easy but I really cannot give up on this great weather while we still have it- i have the rest of the winter weather year to stay at home and watch tv. lately, i've been venturing out to downtown, the malls, and walking to our local Superstore - this is about as lively as my cardio gets nowadays but again, lowered expectations. if there's one thing I need to improve on with my overall self though it's to increase my patience with Max. My fuse isn't short, but dang he's one defiant, rambunctious little fellow- i don't even think it's baby related, it's just his age. I am aware, and I need to be more mindful of this before I ruin our connection. Lastly, friends have come to visit, and those I only get to see every now and then, have come to my neck of the woods to meet the baby or just to chill out even if it's for a brief period of time. I put on one of my maternity dresses today, and was in disbelief at how it fit me now compared to 5 weeks ago when I could barely button up the darn thing because of my abdomen. I miss some parts of being pregnant, but love not being pregnant so.much.more. Online shopping is my new outlet, i'm a happy camper!

Our transition into this new normal household has been overall much more enjoyable than in 2012. my midwifery care will end in the next couple of weeks and i'm confident that my baby and family will thrive! Looking forward to 11 more months of constant change <3