Loss Update and Playland

Thanks to all family, friends and strangers online and real life for the warm messages i've received. I love reading about your own personal stories about loss, feelings, and life thereafter.  Through your messages, i felt well supported and loved. Through my blog post, I'm glad i was able to be a voice so women are not left to endure this difficult time in silence. Hugs to all of you!

As for me, emotionally i've been status quo. my quietest moments are just before Max wakes up in the morning and i used those times earlier in the week to reflect (pinterest really helped with quotes and linking to other experiences!). I also watched a tagalog chick flick and the sum of it all was a good cathartic cry; about decisions made, guilt, what ifs, and what could have been. During the day, I found great joy in being with Max and watching him play and have fun. Even though i lost one, i still have a healthy, happy, loving ONE that holistically gives me more than I could ever ask for. I am so thankful for him! Physically i had a great week with only light bleeding (I'm prepared to have a whopper period when the time comes). My HCG levels have gone from 1500 to 1100 to now 800 mIU/ml. My set back was yesterday, I was hospitalized (via 911) for excruciating pelvic pain and sacral pressure beyond tolerability. I gave birth naturally sans drugs and my body has a high pain tolerance level... i couldn't cope with yesterday's intense pain, i wanted and needed drugs! even though the results of yesterday's workup was inconclusive, the doctor gave me his personal cell phone number to contact him if i felt worse because he "just couldn't figure out what was wrong" and "thought about my case a lot because [he] was worried." Ive also been referred to some BC Women's Hospital program, thank you Canada for cultivating such fantastic physicians and for having accessible health care!

(update: the pain was from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy!)

On a lighter note, here are some pics of Max and I's date the day after my miscarriage. Just Max and I (he's finally tall enough!), no line ups, perfect weather, laughs, junk food, and fun. Just so thankful!

^^ i just love it when it's not extremely busy! ^^

^^ the only thing Max was scared of this day was the blue pipe they used to measure height ^^

^^ natural sailor!! ^^

^^ it's so true that as you get older, the less one is able to tolerate rides. just looking at this ride already gave me motion sickness! in fact, even a simple playground swing makes me nauseated lol  when i was younger, i remember going on any and all rides without any after effects. ^^

^^ he said this ride was "too rough" ^^

^^ his most favourite ride ever! as you can see we went on all the colours and didn't even have to get off. did i mention how much i love play land because there were no line ups? sweet! ^^

It's August 18th! where does the time go?! 

Hope you're having a great summer.

Summer Life Lately 2.0

...according to my point and shoot.

weather has been nothing short of amazing, work has been busy and at times mind blowing (there are just some things that are like wow in the books and WHOA in real life) , and life lately has been pretty frickin entertaining. i can't believe it's almost mid august!  

Summer Life Lately

...according to my point and shoot

^^ #1: can it get any sweeter when your child carries groceries for you? it was only a couple of heads of broccoli but he was so proud of himself! #2:  a city cyclist in training! blue helmet, yellow bell, and training wheels in tow, of course ^^

^^ #1:  first pic is Max grocery shopping with his favourite toy. it really is a must have when we're there as i can actually go grocery shopping, otherwise I'm stuck at the toy aisle. #2:  Max's great moods early in the morning. his teeth have cut through and he's no longer labile! ^^

^^ Hillcrest was huge! i like the size and layout of the outdoor section. i felt like i was at a neighbours backyard pool party. Max really loved those pool weights because he can lift them, mimicking Gene at home with the real weights who in turn is also mimicking Arnold Schwarzenneger  ^^

^^ thanks to my dad for turning the camera around and getting a pic of me with Max during the hot hot summer day on the baseball field ^^

^^ the first pool my family has ever owned! Max likes it for wading and picking up water and splashing everyone. he doesn't like to sit and soak in it. if he would just connect this activity with bath time activities it would exponentiate his fun in my opinion. in due time i hope! ^^ 

^^ of course we spent all day everyday at New Brighton! Max wasn't scared of the water this year ^^

^^ spray parks! Max prefers to have control of whom, when, and where to get sprayed (hence the spray bottle) instead of being sprayed by the fountains of the park lol ^^

^^ new playground with our new friends . Max also thought he was Tarzan in the first pic ^^

^^ this is how we spend the entire day at the pool. tent up, naps, snacks, cool dips, baking under the sun with lots of sunscreen! i figured out the only way to get Max to wear sunscreen is to let him put some on me first, then I have to work up from his toes to his face. He wears the spf 50 UPF shirts so i don't have to deal with getting sunscreen on his body (path of least resistance) ^^

^^ new east van playground! but it was as arid as Arizona. in my opinion, it should be mandatory to have access to a drinking fountain in all playgrounds ^^

I can't believe it's almost the end of July! 

Afternoon at Nat Bailey

We redeemed our Vancouver Canadian's groupon this weekend at Nat Bailey stadium, Vancouver Canadian's vs. Everett Aquasox to be exact. It was a full house of fans on a scorching hot Sunday afternoon- so hot that they had staff with water bottles spraying many ready and willing people with cold water!  This was Max's first time at the game, and probably my second or third in my lifetime. Although i would've liked to sit down through the entire nine innings (or maybe at least 6 with the other times scoping around what to eat like any other i-come-for-game-food-ambiance fans), Max naturally could not sit down for prolonged periods and we had to go up and down the stands roaming around to "do something else" as Max would put it. 

^^ singing along to the Star Spangled Banner and O' Canada ^^

^^ we sat in section 5, row 13...a PERFECT spot rain or shine! you see the crowd under the sun? i don't know how they survived under the heat for the 3 or so hours. I would've been coming home with a major sun burn or heat stroke or both. St. John's Ambulance was on guard for first aid, hope they were all ok! ^^

^^ it was also family fun day at the Stadium with A&W Rootbeer floats by donation! they were so good, and so necessary on dare i say again but not complaining...a scorcher of a day ^^

^^ thank goodness for the children's play area! Max and I killed some time at the bouncy castle. Water was absolutely mandatory during and afterwards. the endothermic child Max is, he seemed to sweat out as much as he would take in. he was dripping! ^^

^^ view from the play area, right field ^^

^^ i'm not sure why these players were here...shouldnt they be in the dugout or something, or just seeking shade in general? i wish i could've passed some ice cream around ^^

^^ not the same as the PNE donuts, but still just as hot, sugary, cinnamon-y, and yummy ^^

^^ sushi races! i actually don't know what character the winner was supposed to be. there was Wasabi, Sushi, and.... ? Gomae? (lol). I tried to get close but Max is terrified of any enlarged and costumed character like these, regardless of how cute they may seem ^^

^^ clap Max, clap! ^^

Well the Canadian's won 4-3, and we had a great time! Until next time Nat Bailey Stadium! 

Morning at New Brighton Park

we spent an early morning at New Brighton Park a few days ago to cool Max off literally and figuratively. i discovered last night that the kid has got 2 upper molars cutting through at the same time...it was an A-HA moment to say the least as it was the one rationale I needed to explain how labile and bonkers he's been lately. yay! 

Yay! because i despise the term "terrible two's," and i did not want to label my kid under this statement umbrella. Max is sweet, hilarious, cute, loving, kind, caring and so much more! he has his moments though, like my eyes are blazing moments, and there are days (not just hours, but like ALL DAY) when i struggle to keep my patience in check. But then there are many more times when I'm like wow! he heard what I said and he's doing what i've asked him in a prompt matter! and when I feel him kiss my shoulder as he lulls himself to sleep, and the random "I love mamma. Hug please!" requests and i'm like jelly and loving life to the max. anyways, I digress...here are some pics from our day:

^^ beautiful view from the playground! I can't imagine living in a place where I don't see the mountains on a daily basis ^^

^^ teeth cutting through as we speak I'm sure! it's totally different to have a teething toddler vs. an infant. I'm not sure what's worse; infants cry but toddlers are very roller coaster with their emotions, needs, and words ^^ 

^^ his new favourite activity is sitting or standing at the shoreline and skipping rocks (but more like throwing) into the water. he still needs to be reminded to throw forwards because he's thrown 1 or 2 up and subsequently landing on or near his head...ow ^^

^^ Saltwater Sandal's! under these sandals is a hardcore tan line. Hello summer! ^^

^^ i'm fishing with papa!! ^^

^^ his playground shenanigans make our heart's stop. we've even seen other parents watch him and spread their arms out as if they were to catch him if he fell or missed a monkey bar ^^

^^ i love these bubble wands! so portable and you don't even have to blow to get plenty of bubbles ^^

^^ love of boats and the water is definitely genetic in my family ^^

Summer is here, Vancouver!