Spring Changes!

Ah toddlerhood!

 Honestly, though i have said "i liked it when he was more stationary" once or twice in the last few months, this 13-14 months old stage has got to be my all time favorite life stage so far!

doing 'wheelies' at 14 months!

i've just recently realized that i havent whipped out the stroller in so so so long because the ERGO keeps Max CONTAINED. To illustrate, if i didn't have the ERGO, Max would be whining like crazy wanting to be picked up then put down then picked up (again and again), darting out into the streets or through a sea of big people, refusing to hold my hand as we walk, falling down stairs, climbing anything and everything. oh you know, normal stuff for his age that would triple the time allotted for our errands and basically make my heart jump because i'm scared for his life and safety!

Ever since i've been back to work, i've seen some big changes in the father son bonding that im most definitely happy about with a little hint of jealousy (hey im no longer in denial that 'dada' was his first word and even when he sees husband from afar he goes 'dada' and runs to him! aww). aside from the fact that i speak to him in a total different language, i think Max knows that with mama __x__ happens, and with daddy __x__ happens instead. with some expected good days and bad days, Max has definitely adapted (and so have we) to our new schedules. Gene and I have our own little routines, give shift reports to one another, and most importantly are now working better together (and less fighting) when it comes to the child rearing. Phew, our marriage survived! 

what boy doesn't love trains?

Sleep in the house is still an issue, but when will it ever not be right? i think once one becomes a parent, they'll always be wondering if their child is ok whether they still live with them or not...and this equates to sleep quality nowhere near pre-baby days! When i'm off, I co-sleep with Max after his first night wake, and Gene does the same when im on my work set. This is really working out well as instead of waking up at 530am/6am and starting days off early, Max is waking up at 700-730am, it totally makes a huge difference in his mood when he not only gets a good nights sleep but sees us beside him when his eyes first open. We do let him CIO after the bed time routine just so he knows how to put himself to sleep sans pacifier, in his crib, and alone in his room- im waiting for the day when all of these dots are connected for 10+ hours of uninterrupted sleep nights! Bedtime continues to be at 8pm, and get this...we dropped a nap, and now only have 1 nap a day! Usually a 1.5-2 hour nap, but this is definitely a significant change in the routine as we have always known.

Though i still breastfeed twice a day (first wakeup feed, before bed feed), i only do this when i'm off. During my day shift, i dont attempt to dream feed or even wake Max up early to nurse. I just let him sleep and Gene says he has adapted. When i come home from a day shift, I continue to give Max his bedtime feed which has significantly changed from 6min (in January), to a whopping 20-30 minute nursing session per demand! During my night shift, I no longer feed him before going to work because he refuses (too full from dinner) and there have been night shift transition days when i dont even feed him for 24 hours, and again, Gene says he's adapted. I have noticed though that his morning feeds are quite short, more like a snack in terms of time length...i think a weaning process for me and him has started. I am ok with this rate, but not this rate!

Im really happy with what's been going on lately in terms of our work-life schedules and balance. I'm trying to not get TOO comfortable though as i think Max's senses it and thus decides to change things up again...it'll always be something!

Breastfeeding, Weaning, Back to Work: The Plan Revised

well paid stay at home mom is my dream job

OMG it's January 2013 and i'm really trying to look at the situation of going back to work 'glass half full.' But really who am i kidding? i not only have to work, but i have to miss out on the life of my growing baby boy, as well as reliving this feeling of sadness, longing, and dread every week once my days off are over. Womp womp...(i wonder if i'll feel different after going back to work, say in a month? everyone says the break is something to look forward to!)

True to my astrological sign, im a big over thinker and consequently a big worrier. This breastfeeding + working mom who doesnt want to pump at work issue continues to plague me. Ive come to the conclusion that it's because I am not ready to give up breastfeeding. So there i have it, a 2013 project of finding a way to 

• breastfeed
• maintain my supply
• promote adequate rest for Max (im sure there will be some CIO in this process as no one likes change! especially a baby!)
• meet his needs for nutrition
• keep mom and baby are happy and healthy
• understand that babies find a way to adapt

my first plan. Now revised.

When Max was 10.5 months old, i started him on goats milk through his straw cup(s). That lasted less than a week as he basically told me he hated it through his body language and actions when the straw came close to his mouth (ie. literally slapped the cup off my hands). I tasted the goat's milk myself and initially it tasted ok, i didn't smell anything funky like how other's described, but i was really repulsed by the after taste that lasted 1/2 a day in my mouth despite multiple teeth brushings. I honestly can't describe the after taste in any other words but 'goaty,' so im sorry Max for putting you through that!

When Max turned 11 months, I introduced him to whole milk, an ounce or less at a time. He accepted it at first but now at 11.5 months, he isnt exactly in love with the stuff (he's in love with water and breastmilk). My mom freaked a bit when i told her about the milk. Translated in english, she said that i need to 'mix the milk with water at first so as to not shock his stomach.' ok, i didn't really understand what she meant by the 'shock' business but because i was introducing this dairy product a bit early, i didn't see anything wrong with listening to her advice. Just now at 11.5 months, ive bee giving full whole milk without the added H2O at different times of day.

As of December 31st, i decided to drop his mid afternoon feed cold turkey prior to his nap and replace it with milk.  Our schedule was

• decrease stimulation in the afternoon --> come to me when ready for nap --> breastfeed and be drowsy from the experience --> out like a light, but not falling asleep at the breast

When i asked the advice of other mom's, i got the notion that when they 'dropped a feed and replaced it with whole milk' it was as easy as that. But for Max, this of course did not happen. Max hasnt used the bottle since he was a newborn, and although he was all accepting the first day

• decrease stimulation --> come to me when ready for a nap --> bottle fed cows milk, drowsy --> out like a light without bottle in mouth

Our current routine lately is this

• meal with milk (could be breakfast and lunch with same milk in the cup as he doesnt drink but takes sips) --> decrease stimulation --> on/off coming to me ready for a nap for 15-45 minutes, sometimes with a lot of whining, but definitely a lot of refusing of milk from bottle, sippy cup, and straw cup just before sleeping time to woo him to sleep

Am i doing something wrong here? my goal is to cut off the association of fluids ---> sleep. by the way he acts, i get the impression that he doesn't really NEED that afternoon feed and that he's whining because he's just not ready to go to sleep and I'm lulling him to where he doesnt want to go. So, he does sleep i just need to watch for cues and not rely on the good ol' faster-route-boob to get him there. At some part of the day, he gets an entire 1-2oz of whole milk, but the rest of the days fluids are water. For a non-breastfeeding baby, according to the 'Toddler's First Steps' book by HealthCanada, 500cc of whole milk is an expectation, but im sure that this isn't the case for a part time breastfeeding baby.

Finally, my goal is to continue to breastfeed twice a day. DEFINTELY when i'm on my days off - wakeup and bedtime. But when i'm working

• day shift --> dream feed before going to work, which may result in him waking up early (too bad for husband)
• day shift --> dream feed after getting home and showering, hopefully he goes back to sleep right away
• night shift --> feed before going to work, he must eat dinner first before this happens (which means everyone eats dinner earlier)
• night shift --> feed once i get home after shower, and if he wakes up before i come home, then ill offer the breast regardless
• husband will be offering a cup of whole milk before bed (at dinner, post dinner, bed time) and at wakeup time
• i will pump if there's a missed feed, i dont care if im pumping for 10 minutes, i just want something to stimulate the brain that breastmilk is still needed
• starting January 7th, husband is to practice this once-twice a week. Put Max to bed with no breastfeed and me nowhere in sight (this is the key to husband's success)
• goal is to breastfeed until Max tell's me he is done

if anyone has feedback, please let me know!

Breastfeeding, Weaning, Back to Work: the Plan

photo credit

My back to work date is quickly looming, approximately February 1st, 2013! I have a few things im stressing over right now, but this post is particularly about breastfeeding.

• i want to breastfeed for as long as possible
• i want to maintain my supply
• i dont want to be uncomfortable at work
• i dont want to pump at work, if possible, as i dont want to contaminate the system due to the nature of my work
• Max is exclusively breastfed
• Max also uses a straw cup for water during meals/snacks
• my schedule is 2 days 0730-1930, and 2 nights 1930-0730 with 5 days off
• we do not use a bottle, i dont want to start using a bottle
• because im the one who wakes up with Max, breastfeeding is his first meal
• because Max is breastfeeding, i have the last 10 minutes of the night routine solely with him for a final feed
• for day shifts i leave the house at 615am, come home at 815pm, and still have to shower and eat dinner
• for night shifts, i leave at 615pm, and come home and 830 am, and want to SLEEP

so there's my situation. due to the lack of results from Dr. Google, i feel this whole issue is so esoteric (limited to shift working nurses). but of course as with everything else related to parenting, everyone has their own style.  Thank you to all the nurses who shared their experiences!

phase 1:

• Prior to Nov 21st, Max was feeding 4x a day (first wake/12pm/330pm/bedtime) and nearly the same time of day. I dont even know what the cues are for 'on demand nursing' at his age. honestly, he doesnt  give cues, but he accepted the breast whenever it was whipped out if it was at least 3 hours from the time of the last breastfeed
• so on nov 22nd, i just cut off the 12 pm feed, pumped for 2 days at that time instead (continued to breast feed first wake/afternoon/bedtime). Each day i got about 25mls of foremilk looking liquid in total. I gave Max the milk via straw cup, and it didnt even phase him that 25 mls was all he got. So i dropped the feed
• as of nov 24, Max is on 3 breastfeeds a day (wake/afternoon/bedtime), with solids and snacks in between. no engorgement from the breasts!

phase 2:

• sometime in december, maybe even dec 19th (at 11 months) im going to start Max on goat's milk (this came highly recommended as a transition liquid before whole milk)
• im going to introduce this as the lunch time beverage instead of water
• then a week or so later, im going to offer this milk before the afternoon nap. then, ill offer the breast and see if i can slowly wean from breastfeeding 3x a day to 2x a day (first wake and bedtime)
• sometime in early January, im going to start doing the same thing for first wake feed
• on or around his birthday, introduce to whole cow's milk and get Gene to do the last night time minutes
• before Feb 1st, im hoping he's on whole milk, 4x a day minimum, with no breastfeeding

im not really sure what im going to do to maintain supply during that whole milk phase.

i want to breastfeed him when i'm off, but im not sure if that will make me physically uncomfortable at work when i dont want to pump at work (see above reason why). 

im not too sure about dream feeding as if i woke up this sleeping beast in the morning, it means WAKE UP time as he'll probably have a poop minutes later, and i dont think husband will be too happy with me waking up the baby at 530 in the morning. At night, it's a little easier, i can dream feed when i get home...but again, i still have those two nights when i can't.

am i over thinking all of this?
i can't help but feel a sense of loss at this process

if anyone has feedback, please comment and let me know!

Addendum dec 1st:  supplementation according to KELLYMOM