Before I Became A Mom

Before I became a mom, I wanted an elective c-section

The roots of my vaginal birth aversion came from a nursing school experience. Essentially, I watched a mom during her last minutes of labor and then through delivery of a healthy baby. Basically I had my eyes peeled to her vag from pulsating --> to ring of fire --> to baby out. To other's it was a beautiful moment, to a 20 year old female student with children nowhere in the near forecast, everything about the experience was ghastly. The only thing that turned the tide was discovering I was pregnant, and clarity set in.

Before I became a mom, I was set on exercising every day throughout my pregnancy, eating right, and gaining only the minimum amount of weight (25lbs)

Well I walked a lot. I tried swimming for a couple of weeks and eventually went shopping instead to fulfill my daily cardio requirements. I ate like I always ate, except that Coke tasted ever.so.good that I even bought a case or two or three for the first time in my life. I have to admit that that was officially my pregnancy craving, as today I would drink it more so for the fact that it feels good going down my throat than me loving how it tastes.  I gained 40ish pounds in the end.

Before I became a mom, I thought breastfeeding was easy; like stick the mouth to your nipple easy.

Breastfeeding was initially a struggle because I didn't really understand the concept of feed baby + brain = body makes milk accordingly. I definitely had struggles with engorgement (those "breast rocks" were more uncomfortable than my vag stitches), deciding whether to continue to pump or just exclusively breastfeed (for number 2, im going to do BOTH!), dry cracked nipples that hurt like a biatch with each latch (I LOVE YOU, lanolin), fears of 'nipple confusion' from too much googling. Who knew breastfeeding can go sideways in so many ways?! Max breastfed until 18 months when he decided he wanted to stop, im still kinda bummed about it but also happy that I went that far.

Before I became a mom, I thought my kid would have a short sleep adjustment period but eventually take after me and sleep like a pro ...never even heard of 'sleep training' issues.

I dont know how many times i've written or mentioned sleep on this blog but Max is no pro. At 21 months he still wakes up once a night and we still move in and sleep with him. For naps, he's good with sleeping about 2 hours on average with a soother that pops in and out. Ah well, i've taken this as a no big deal thing now because im totally used to the lack of thorough, uninterrupted sleep and actually enjoy co-sleeping with him. i am wondering though if we have another child how i'm going to repeat this or would I (??) to begin with because what would be the other kid's room has no space for the ever-so-convenient twin bed that allowed for the many interventions to get Max to sleep. hmmm...

Before I became a mom, I thought i'd be a minimalist and have a couple of toys, a few clothes, and the bare minimum in baby gear.

Well we definitely aren't minimalist as we've enjoyed the convenience of 'stuff' that has made first time parenting just a little easier (seriously, is a diaper genie really essential? no. but we have one anyways). Kid's clothes are SO CUTE. I love buying them, but I don't go nuts or spend too much as I have insight on how fast these kids grow. Plus, you get so many clothes as gifts  that you don't even need to buy at times...we've been blessed! As for toys, i'm thankful for the toys Max has been gifted, and also thankful for craigslist.

Before I became a mom, I thought I could hand my kid off to a baby sitter or my parents so I can do things for myself (ie. go to a concert), guilt free.

Aside from work, the longest i've been away from Max to do something for myself was 2-3 hours. I think we were going to a concert? or a dinner with friends? as evidenced by my poor memory, this was a LONG TIME AGO. I do remember looking at my phone of pictures of Max and telling Gene that I missed my baby. I think I even kind of rushed exiting the whole event so I can get back to Max. Today, I still kind of feel this way. if i did need to do something for myself, i have no qualms with leaving Max with Gene...but I dont really like giving him away to my parents so I can do extra curricular activities. he's never slept over at anyone else's house without us, he's either always with both of us or one of us (if i'm working on the weekend though, Gene get's his little break by letting my parents have him for 2-3 hours, but I think he misses him too as it never overlaps into Max's nap time).

Before I became a mom, I thought I had all the time in the world to do what i wanted to do , the kid will just adapt.

Today, activities are scheduled with and or around meal times, nap times, poo times, and bed time in mind. I can still do activities I like to do, but if I can help it, i prefer to stay within our +/- 30-45 minute established schedule for Max's well being. kids thrive off of structure and some predictability right? his quality of life is paramount, and directly affects my quality of life too. he sleeps well, i sleep well..YES!! win-win!!

Before I became a mom, I thought my kid would just go with the flow.

I wanted to get a haircut and I asked my sister to just push Max in the stroller around the mall for 20 minutes or so (he was sleeping anyways). From the second (I mean this literally) I departed, I was told Max woke up and screamed and cried the entire time I was getting a haircut. I could hear a baby cry from the hair dresser's seat and I would see my sister's reflection in the mirror- pacing nervously in front of the entrance checking if I was done the entire time. I think she's still traumatized, hahaha!

Before I became a mom, I thought I was pretty happy.

Then I had my baby. And despite the crying, the sleep deprivation, the tantrums, the unpredictability, the job that is never-ending/24-7/365 days a year, motherhood has brought a whole new meaning to life- it's just so much more meaningful. i've said this so.many.times on this blog, motherhood is the hardest thing i've ever done in my life, but it is also the most fulfilling, rewarding, my greatest accomplishment.

Life Lately

• We spent mother's day stuffing our faces at Olive + Anchor at Horseshoe Bay. Have you been? Aside from the calamari and clubhouse which Gene raves about, I personally came for the Oysters Rockefeller- they were the best I have ever eaten. something about cheese, spinach, butter, bacon, and an oyster's texture that is so right. As expected i had hot flashes all day from the richness of this dish

the best picture of father and son that day

• i had the tiniest of canker sores near my lower gum line, and of course the smaller they are the more painful they are. ive been optimizing the healing environment of my mouth because of this stupid thing and guess what happens last night? during Max's rumbling and tumbling sleep gymnastics, he drops his head on my face/mouth while i was sleeping and i just about screamed in pain. i held it in. it was more painful than childbirth
• husband is away for the next 3 days doing some seasonal work and Max and I are alone together for the entire 72 hours. Today was day 1 and i was already feeling my patience nearly boil over at 1030am (we woke up at 730am). im pretty sure it's just me, because Gene says he's a baby when im around but totally different when im not around. Max just wants to be picked up and carried all.the.time and you know what? he's freakin' only 23lbs but feels like 30lbs. Dense. Solid. im hurting
• i went out with some company who think my way of doing things is wrong and i make my kid uncomfortable. if they were other people, id tell them to fck off, but alas no...because i CANT. unsolicited, critical, nagging "advice" or "recommendations" especially from people who dont, by and large, spend more time with MY CHILD during the hard times really should be more of a pillar of support
• my cat is humping this fleece blanket on top of my couch. he's neutered...what's up with him? 
• i had a great laugh with my friend Sarah about our changed menstrual cycles post baby. It was NEVER like this pre-baby. New moms beware!
• Max despises the stroller, every time he's in it...it's a CIO session until i pick him up. I dont bother bringing this anymore. Life right now is so much more easier when im not using it. But, damn when he's heavier, i hope he chooses to walk more than me carry him on the carrier. Or at least hold my hand when crossing the street or how about not dart close to the boulevard when he sees big rigs pass by on the street. is that too much to ask? 
• i can't cook food, prepare food, or wash dishes if im the only parent in the house. Max seems to hate it when i do this. I can't help but think maybe he doesnt want me to do this...which paves the way for him to be trained earlier to do it for me? haha

• We recently had, what i think was our first post rainstorm outing. i was totally unprepared for Max's curiosity and i dressed him in runners, jeans, light jacket- and he of course runs straight for the biggest puddle out there and falls in. Awesome! I learned my lesson the next day (after another rainy day) and let him run free in appropriate gear

oh is that piece of dirt for me Max? Thanks, you shouldn't have! 

• we upped this little man's bedtime to routine starting at 830pm and down by 9pm. he is still crying 2-5 hours after this but he's waking up sometime between 730-9am. who would've thought that sleeping in is defined as 9am? oh parenthood
• Max's bedtime breastfeed session feels more like snack suckling rather than the i-want-breastmilk type of gulping sounds im used to. he's weaning me off!! 
• we went to the Brentwood Mall 'playground' the other day- why does it always smell like dirty diapers there? maybe i just have a sensitive nose? or maybe it's the parents/guardians who DONT PAY ATTENTION to their children and gab away to their friends instead. pardon me if i have to gently push your too-big-and-or-too-rowdy children away so they don't hurt my child 
• i found myself reflecting on how i judged parents pushing their McDonald's eating young child in the stroller- as i sat with Max at McDonalds giving him fries (no salt and flat pressed in napkins to soak up the oil of course ;-p)

im back to work soon, have a great week!

First Work Week DONE!

When I saw Max yesterday morning

i didnt sleep after my last night shift, so this was exactly how i felt all day

we survived my first work set! i have to admit that my new job as a palliative care nurse is pretty awesome, especially as i didn't/dont come home fried and thus have plenty of room for Max and his extra need for hugs and cuddles after not seeing me for the entire day and then some.

husband did well and now admits that raising a child is quote/unquote "hard work." he's also stated that he's "exhausted" at the end of the day and looks forward to his "days off."  Furthermore, he wants me to empathize with the fact that that he hasnt been sleeping well as he's anxious about Max waking up in the middle of the night- i take it that my husband has now developed mommy ears. lol i cant help but laugh, welcome to my world buddy at least you get "days off" when I'm off from work! because ive been doing all the night parenting and am the primary care giver for Max since he was born, my only response (besides cussing in my head) was this

DAY SHIFT:  I get up at 530am to get my stuff and myself together before Max wakes. Luckily Max has been waking up at 6am without me having to wake him (I say Luckily very lightly as i'd really love to sleep in until 8am one day), so at this this time Max and I get to spend a little time together breastfeeding and cuddling before I head off at 620am. I say bye to Max and tell him im going to work, but i don't want him watch me exit the door as I think he'll freak. On my first day shift, I gave kisses and my goodbyes, handed him off to Gene, bolted out, and the follow up report was that he cried for "a solid 60 minutes." The next day it was 30 minutes...progress!

During the day, Max and husband play and go to the local Strong Start. As for the 2 daily naps, Gene says they sleep together on the twin bed in the baby room. Gene lies down after seeing cues, Max plays beside him and slowly lies down and inches his way beside him when tired like a little bear cub.and they nap together for 45-2hours. how cute is that?! i have my own style, daddy has his own style- whatever works right? After my shift, i literally bolt from work and head home- best case scenario is home by 805pm. I call when im on the bus so Gene can start giving Max a bath (and not do so prematurely), and when i hear him take him out and go into his room, i sneak in to have a quick shower, and rush to Max's room to breastfeed and put him to bed. 

NIGHT SHIFT: so far, i get about 1.5 hours of sleep before my first night shift. i should be awake by 4 to help prep for dinner as Gene and Max could still be napping. Dinner, cuddles, and breastfeed at 6pm before I leave for work around 620pm.  To prevent a crying session so late at night (which could affect night sleep), Gene takes Max on a little toy car ride down the hall after i say my goodbyes...by the time they get home, i'm gone. So far, no major issues with Max going to bed. 

The next day as i'm about to arrive home (approx 8am), I call Gene that im 2 minutes away and he takes Max to the room so he doesnt see me and start crying. I whip in and out of the shower, breastfeed Max and have my cuddle time, and Gene again takes Max on a short toy car ride so I can sneak in the room, disappear, and sleep. By the time this is all done, it's time for Max's first nap and once I wake up sometime after lunch to take over. 

So far everything is working well as we adjust to our new work-life balance! 12+ months of exclusive breastfeeding - SUCCESS!

Strong Start

the kid before school

Just this last week, Max dropped his morning nap- or rather, it took more than an hour for him to go to sleep despite our usual morning routine so i considered the nap as done and over with (otherwise it would've overlapped on breakfast time and then lunch time, and just messed up the whole flow of the day). I would've been patient and waited longer, but the weather was just WAY TOO GOOD to sit at home and wait for him to tire out (if even this would happen at a time not so close to his usual second nap), so i fed him and picked up our gear and went to VSB's Strong Start at our local elementary school.

WHAT is STRONG START?? 

"This program is offered to parents and caregivers with children ages zero – five years. There is no cost to families but the parent/caregiver is required to remain with their child and participate in the program. It is not necessary to have English as a first language to attend the drop in programs.

StrongStart Centres offer preschool aged children, quality early learning experiences. These centres offer play based early learning opportunities and demonstrate to parents and caregivers how they can enhance their child’s development. The emphasis of the program is on learning through play, language and positive social interactions."

I'm not sure if it's glue, old carpets, paper, or just kids in general but something about the aroma of elementary school hallways makes me feel nervous but also giddy. It's like i almost wish i could go back in time, but yeah if i think harder, no not really! Anyhow, Strong Start is held in a full spare classroom. Toys, books, art supplies, pictures on the wall, ceiling, floor, the entire room is very over stimulating! There is a program teacher who basically oversees the scheduling of the day, but also stands back and observes kids playing and parents interacting with their children. Maybe it was because it was our first week there, but the 'teacher' was very welcoming and keen on showing us all the activities we can do (lots to do) as well as giving us many praises for Max's behavior. 

For the first couple of hours, it's FREE PLAY time. Basically kids are near lawless and play with everything they see. It's a great place for kids who may not have a lot of toys at home to come and experience play things with play value. For those that want to bring toys home, they also have a program where you can borrow 2 toys each week for only $5 a year! Great idea to test out whether your kid likes the toy or not before you make a purchase (but probably when you end up purchasing it, they're sick of the toy already!) Max was thriving in this environment, he was shrieking in his own throaty way for the entire time as he zigzagged all around the room. Seriously, he's been a hoot to watch and his sounds of glee are hard to ignore. Many moms came up to us to point out how much fun he was having and laugh with me as we watched Max! After this 2 hour play time, the teacher gives a 5 minute warning to everyone that it's clean up time, and that 'Circle Time' is about to start. Toys are put back into place and everyone gathers in an area where they get read a story and sing interactive songs. Really very nice, and so cute when the kids memorize the songs and sing along (even the caregivers)!

About half an hour or so before the 'school' ends, there is then Snack Time where kids gather around a table and are served crackers, oranges, bananas, apples, and cheese. Parents are helping out in the background cutting up food, preparing paper towels, wiping tables, ensuring each child has enough food. Seriously, no one needs to speak much English but all the mother bears (and some pappa bears) are taking care of the little brood. Really heartwarming! OMG Max looked so adorable sitting in the big lunch table eating his little food as he watched other kids eat. when did he get so big?

(Yes, there are some negative things I can point out like: bullies, cesspool, kids like Max eating toys that can/cant be washed, people dont take off their shoes so if you have a crawler who puts their hand in their mouth a lot then EW. Let's NOT focus on this though!)

Overall, it's a great place for kids to burn a lot of energy, socialize, and of course to learn. Great for parents to interact and get some support from one another (especially new immigrant parents), and great for the budget as it's all free and you don't have to buy all these toys for your 700sq ft apartment because they can play with it in the classroom! Once im back at work, Gene will be taking Max to his little class and well, is it unrealistic to ask him to videotape the entire 2 hours? 

He's so exhausted after going to a morning class and half an afternoon class that he literally lies down on the ground ready to pass out! 

I LOVE HIM! 

My Love is 11 months old!

What's my 11 month old up to these days?

• curious about a lot of things, lots of hand gestures and sometimes pointing towards an object and says "ayyyyy" or "ohhhhh"
• loves the toilet paper roll
• he really enjoys going on his belly and looking for stuff under big furniture (ie. the couch) so i just drop stuff under there and he gets them ...and then he drops it again to see where it goes, watches it come back, and then retrieves it again 
• he's finally noticing (not just looking) things above him and things that surround him like photos, decals, lights
• he's got mild patches of eczema throughout (thanks Winter!), he's been getting daily applications of Aquaphor and so far under control
• footless sleepers! size 12-18months for tops and 6-12 months for bottoms, size 3 Pampers cruisers
• he can turn his walker on his own and even do a full 360
• sleeping from 8pm and waking up sometime between 6-745am (towards the latter part of his 10th month he's been sleeping 8pm-730am with no feeds or wakeups overnight)
• 2 naps a day, first nap 2-2.5hours after waking up and he can go about 4 hours awake until the next nap. Average length 1.25hours
• still naps in my arms, i LOVE our special time together, so though not the best thing for someone who has to go back to work, im not in a panic to change this yet
• he used to enjoy me throwing (in the lightest sense of the word) him up in the air and catching him, now he gets frightened

                        

 

• 3 breastfeeds a day, 3 solids a day and sometimes he gets a snack (i think his favorite food are bananas, he can eat the whole thing in one sitting just cut in half)
• he's a good eater but needs to be on my lap and me pretending to eat it if it's a new food item
• he does not like goats milk ...tried it just after 10.5months and he's not into it at all
• loves watching birds fly
• cries when men he doesnt know interact with him, but not so with women 9/10 times
• developed a separation anxiety with husband, but only when we're grocery shopping and he's on the cart. even if im in front of him, he's still wants Gene
• can crawl while holding onto something or pushing his cars
• sometimes walking or cruising with one hand! a few times ive caught him standing on his own without support and then he drops to the ground
• super clingy with me just after waking up, he needs to be carried/held for quite a bit
• if im not making eye contact with him, he pulls on my pant leg and holds on to my leg jumping and escalating until he's picked up
• lots of high pitched squeals and shrieks when happy, excited, and having fun
• shares everything but doesnt always let go of it (he'll offer someone his food, but just let their mouths touch it and then he eats it) 
• shy around new situations and doesnt really interact with other babies in groups. sometimes he's even scared of other babies and will cry
• able to do partial waves but not always on queue (think open your hand and drop finger each down to make a loose fist
• you know that pampers commercial where the baby is moving chairs and other furniture around? yep that's what Max is doing
• about 21.5lbs, 2 upper 2 lower teeth (i can see two more coming in the upper part, but they haven't cut through the gums yet)
• arms up when wants to be picked up or just held 
• i just need to lean in and i get kisses kisses kisses! (ok open mouthed wet kisses)

• he took his first steps on December 17th at approx 6pm! Since then, he's been able to walk 3-4 steps and stand up on his own for like 10 seconds or so. he wont do it on command (naturally) but instead suprises us by either ditching the walker and just going to walk or ditching a toy and coming to us a few steps away!

crappy quality video with even worse lighting!

Current schedule +/- 30 minutes

745am wakeup and feed

10 am nap

1115 am wakeup and breakfast

2pm lunch

245pm breastfeed and 2nd nap

430pm wakeup

530pm dinner

630pm snack

730pm bedtime routine and breastfeed

8pm in bed, lights out, hopefully asleep

Max Has Hit Double Digits! 10 Months Old!

little Max is now 10 months old. I say this every month- where the heck did the time go?

What's a 10 month old Max like these days?

• he says 'mama mama' all the time in long run on sentences, sometimes we get a 'dada dada'
• he's playing with various volumes of his voice
• he's loves sharing/offering his nutrios and pacifier
• sleeping straight from 8pm-7am with only rare wakeups (no night feeds!), ravenous in the morning as expected!
• naps 2 times a day (sometimes 3), in my arms, for about 1.5hrs each time - this is prime time to get up to date with everything happening in the social network
• a really sweaty sleeper when sleeping in my arms, his hair is soaked when he wakes up
• learning to point at things he wants or at people he wants attention from
• offering hand still, but not as often (same gesture)
• can walk by himself using the walker! (watch the video)

• really good appetite, with breakfast being the best. still feeding on lumpy/pureed but good at feeding self whole apples, cheese, nutrios, peas, and carrots
• loves nutrios, rice rusks, cottage cheese, and all apples (i think he would eat these for breakfast lunch and dinner if he had a choice)
• puts arms up when he wants to be picked up. if already up in someones arms, he stretches arms out towards another person he wants to be carried by
• he can crawl while holding onto something with one of his hands
• wants to climb over everything to get through (instead of crawling around the object like, ie. ME!)
• loves giving open mouth wet kisses. i just need to lean forward close to him and his mouth is open to give a wet kiss
• breastfeeding 4x a day

• 4 teeth (2 up, 2 bottom)
• 3-4 poops a day
• still loves and whines for his pacifier
• he really likes watching mike the knight - i think it has something to do with how big the characters are on tv
• he loves the IOGO yogourt commercials! we were playing in the kitchen, he hears the first 4 notes of the commercial, he pauses and then bolts out of the kitchen to watch the commercial. one of those wave-your-hand-in-front-of-their-face-and-no-blinking moments. again, probably has to do with how simple and big the images are
• attaached to me big time (aka major separation anxiety). i cant leave room without him crying, or him looking/finding me. i cant be in the kitchen without him wanting to be carried by me and will escalate to crying if i dont pay attention to him or move around too much

everything goes in his mouth

Max's 10 month old 'schedule,' (times are approximate +/- 30 minutes)

7am: awake, breastfeed

9-1020: nap

1030: breakfast

12pm: breastfeed

130: lunch

230-4pm: nap

4pm: breastfeed

6pm: dinner

730: bath, bed time routine, breastfeed

8pm: asleep

10pm: my bedtime!

WOW 

who likes schedules?

Did someone say schedules? Here's an example of what our day looks like. it's baby and parent-led so there are no exact times

7am-wake up. brief baby sponge down, diaper change, feed

730-830 activities on the floor. Watching for sleep cues

800-930 book wind down and nap sometime in this time frame for 45mins

930-1130 feed, activities on floor, jumper, picked up and carried around

1100am-1230pm watching for sleep cues. possibly feed again. Nap sometime in the frame for 45mins

1230-4pm usually out and about. Nap once and feed once or twice in this period

3-5pm various activities. Sleep cue watching. Feed. Nap for 45mins

5-7pm activities. Often I start feeding every hr just to fill up the tank prior to bedtime starting at 630pm

7pm short cat nap allowed so he isn't cranky ....approx 20mins

815pm start bath and bedtime routine.

830pm feed and books

9pm down to sleep

Approx 1am and 4am dream feeds

7am .... All over again!