Sleep Training on My Days OFF!

℅ pinterest

here's something incredibly lame to do on your days off: sleep train! every since that darned time change, Max's ability to accept bedtime routine (let alone sleep!) has gone haywire. Our usual bedtime routine consisted of 

an hour of reading and time in his room

then an easy transition to brushing teeth and bath time

then pyjama routine with some lullabies.

5 minutes or so of rocking, 

then down in the crib where he would be awake and be in charge of putting himself to sleep sans pacifier.

hello time change!

(mind you, we got 2 nights of status quo)

boom! sometime in the middle of reading our books, we have a major outburst coming from nowhere (even when nothing has changed milliseconds prior). the mention of bath escalates this so he's picked up and brought into the bathroom wailing as he gets undressed and bathed for oh..all of 10 seconds?! (some nights it's no bath!) then we go into the room where he's only minutely wound down but becomes agitated again when his sleep sac is zipped up. at this point, lights are off and I'm singing to myself because he's too busy crying to hear any lullabies.

The first 2 nights, we did cry it out (CIO) because that worked for us before. i thought hey, this is just another sleep regression and he needs to be retrained. well, he cried for too long and so long that it went passed my desired personal bed time that i just said the hell with it and moved in and slept with him. in perspective, he really learned nothing because he never did go to sleep on his own and once i moved in, he was out like a light. so his tears were for nothing, he was exhausted from crying but not enough to fall asleep, and i feel like a jerk for doing that to him. I've done CIO before but because of Max's age and ability to absorb things so fast, I'm really conscious about what type of emotional memories I'm creating for this child. 

is he going to have negative feelings about sleep with CIO?

is he going to think i've abandoned him? 

is he going ballistic during night time routine because he's scared of being left all alone in a dark room?

will this affect the connection him and I have?

by and large, it took two nights of being enormously stressed out to realize that this was not the route for us this time. Max is a velcro child, he totally adores me and is such a good little kid and this is how i end the day with him? damn. sorry! 

the next night thereafter, same old wailing but this time i attempted plan B which was to put him in the bed where we usually sleep for the night (the twin bed in his room) and just lie with him until he falls asleep. this method unfortunately involves the soother as he connects the spot with it, and of course a large investment of my evening time. i often have so much to do after Max goes to bed (like blog) that i need this time without distraction…or rather have a kid pressing the restart button on this Macbook before anything has been saved! anyhow, the latest night took a solid 50 minutes before Max fell asleep and then i snuck out of the room. the key to this plan is to start bed time routine early so it doesn't go into the night too late. the reward was no stress for me and Max isn't correlating sleep with any form of abandonment. so far so good, and husband can do this while I'm away working. the worst part of plan B though is that we're walking on eggshells around the house as Max's door is kept ajar instead of being shut: keep all noise that you can help, down. and the ones you can't help like traffic and our crazy nosey cat that likes to hump the blanket in his room, or meow, or use the litter box (argh!!) well we just have to absorb these stressors for the sake of Max's future relationship with sleep. 

my plan C is to let Max stay up with us late into the night and go to bed when i go to bed around 1030-ish? however, this already poses some problems as i don't want to rip him off of growing time (while sleeping) because i don't want nor do i like sleeping in past 830am so i would have to wake him up before an adequate amount of sleep time. 

never wake a sleeping beast!! 

this also would not work if we were solo parenting and had to take a shower…Max, amongst other things, hates hearing the shower or being in the bathroom while we're having a shower. i really can't explain why considering Max was all smiles in his car seat when he was an infant and we were taking a shower with the curtain half open. 

moreover, this wouldn't work so much when I'm on night shift because I'm not the only one who needs quiet time, my husband also needs to diffuse after a day with Max and he goes to bed way later than I. 

and before i forget, keeping him up late means i won't get much done at night because i have to entertain him and frankly, i don't really want him to think the computer is more important than him (distracted parenting). Let's hope we don't go here yet until i figure out the kinks of this plan.

end of rant.

Before I Became A Mom

Before I became a mom, I wanted an elective c-section

The roots of my vaginal birth aversion came from a nursing school experience. Essentially, I watched a mom during her last minutes of labor and then through delivery of a healthy baby. Basically I had my eyes peeled to her vag from pulsating --> to ring of fire --> to baby out. To other's it was a beautiful moment, to a 20 year old female student with children nowhere in the near forecast, everything about the experience was ghastly. The only thing that turned the tide was discovering I was pregnant, and clarity set in.

Before I became a mom, I was set on exercising every day throughout my pregnancy, eating right, and gaining only the minimum amount of weight (25lbs)

Well I walked a lot. I tried swimming for a couple of weeks and eventually went shopping instead to fulfill my daily cardio requirements. I ate like I always ate, except that Coke tasted ever.so.good that I even bought a case or two or three for the first time in my life. I have to admit that that was officially my pregnancy craving, as today I would drink it more so for the fact that it feels good going down my throat than me loving how it tastes.  I gained 40ish pounds in the end.

Before I became a mom, I thought breastfeeding was easy; like stick the mouth to your nipple easy.

Breastfeeding was initially a struggle because I didn't really understand the concept of feed baby + brain = body makes milk accordingly. I definitely had struggles with engorgement (those "breast rocks" were more uncomfortable than my vag stitches), deciding whether to continue to pump or just exclusively breastfeed (for number 2, im going to do BOTH!), dry cracked nipples that hurt like a biatch with each latch (I LOVE YOU, lanolin), fears of 'nipple confusion' from too much googling. Who knew breastfeeding can go sideways in so many ways?! Max breastfed until 18 months when he decided he wanted to stop, im still kinda bummed about it but also happy that I went that far.

Before I became a mom, I thought my kid would have a short sleep adjustment period but eventually take after me and sleep like a pro ...never even heard of 'sleep training' issues.

I dont know how many times i've written or mentioned sleep on this blog but Max is no pro. At 21 months he still wakes up once a night and we still move in and sleep with him. For naps, he's good with sleeping about 2 hours on average with a soother that pops in and out. Ah well, i've taken this as a no big deal thing now because im totally used to the lack of thorough, uninterrupted sleep and actually enjoy co-sleeping with him. i am wondering though if we have another child how i'm going to repeat this or would I (??) to begin with because what would be the other kid's room has no space for the ever-so-convenient twin bed that allowed for the many interventions to get Max to sleep. hmmm...

Before I became a mom, I thought i'd be a minimalist and have a couple of toys, a few clothes, and the bare minimum in baby gear.

Well we definitely aren't minimalist as we've enjoyed the convenience of 'stuff' that has made first time parenting just a little easier (seriously, is a diaper genie really essential? no. but we have one anyways). Kid's clothes are SO CUTE. I love buying them, but I don't go nuts or spend too much as I have insight on how fast these kids grow. Plus, you get so many clothes as gifts  that you don't even need to buy at times...we've been blessed! As for toys, i'm thankful for the toys Max has been gifted, and also thankful for craigslist.

Before I became a mom, I thought I could hand my kid off to a baby sitter or my parents so I can do things for myself (ie. go to a concert), guilt free.

Aside from work, the longest i've been away from Max to do something for myself was 2-3 hours. I think we were going to a concert? or a dinner with friends? as evidenced by my poor memory, this was a LONG TIME AGO. I do remember looking at my phone of pictures of Max and telling Gene that I missed my baby. I think I even kind of rushed exiting the whole event so I can get back to Max. Today, I still kind of feel this way. if i did need to do something for myself, i have no qualms with leaving Max with Gene...but I dont really like giving him away to my parents so I can do extra curricular activities. he's never slept over at anyone else's house without us, he's either always with both of us or one of us (if i'm working on the weekend though, Gene get's his little break by letting my parents have him for 2-3 hours, but I think he misses him too as it never overlaps into Max's nap time).

Before I became a mom, I thought I had all the time in the world to do what i wanted to do , the kid will just adapt.

Today, activities are scheduled with and or around meal times, nap times, poo times, and bed time in mind. I can still do activities I like to do, but if I can help it, i prefer to stay within our +/- 30-45 minute established schedule for Max's well being. kids thrive off of structure and some predictability right? his quality of life is paramount, and directly affects my quality of life too. he sleeps well, i sleep well..YES!! win-win!!

Before I became a mom, I thought my kid would just go with the flow.

I wanted to get a haircut and I asked my sister to just push Max in the stroller around the mall for 20 minutes or so (he was sleeping anyways). From the second (I mean this literally) I departed, I was told Max woke up and screamed and cried the entire time I was getting a haircut. I could hear a baby cry from the hair dresser's seat and I would see my sister's reflection in the mirror- pacing nervously in front of the entrance checking if I was done the entire time. I think she's still traumatized, hahaha!

Before I became a mom, I thought I was pretty happy.

Then I had my baby. And despite the crying, the sleep deprivation, the tantrums, the unpredictability, the job that is never-ending/24-7/365 days a year, motherhood has brought a whole new meaning to life- it's just so much more meaningful. i've said this so.many.times on this blog, motherhood is the hardest thing i've ever done in my life, but it is also the most fulfilling, rewarding, my greatest accomplishment.

Spring Changes!

Ah toddlerhood!

 Honestly, though i have said "i liked it when he was more stationary" once or twice in the last few months, this 13-14 months old stage has got to be my all time favorite life stage so far!

doing 'wheelies' at 14 months!

i've just recently realized that i havent whipped out the stroller in so so so long because the ERGO keeps Max CONTAINED. To illustrate, if i didn't have the ERGO, Max would be whining like crazy wanting to be picked up then put down then picked up (again and again), darting out into the streets or through a sea of big people, refusing to hold my hand as we walk, falling down stairs, climbing anything and everything. oh you know, normal stuff for his age that would triple the time allotted for our errands and basically make my heart jump because i'm scared for his life and safety!

Ever since i've been back to work, i've seen some big changes in the father son bonding that im most definitely happy about with a little hint of jealousy (hey im no longer in denial that 'dada' was his first word and even when he sees husband from afar he goes 'dada' and runs to him! aww). aside from the fact that i speak to him in a total different language, i think Max knows that with mama __x__ happens, and with daddy __x__ happens instead. with some expected good days and bad days, Max has definitely adapted (and so have we) to our new schedules. Gene and I have our own little routines, give shift reports to one another, and most importantly are now working better together (and less fighting) when it comes to the child rearing. Phew, our marriage survived! 

what boy doesn't love trains?

Sleep in the house is still an issue, but when will it ever not be right? i think once one becomes a parent, they'll always be wondering if their child is ok whether they still live with them or not...and this equates to sleep quality nowhere near pre-baby days! When i'm off, I co-sleep with Max after his first night wake, and Gene does the same when im on my work set. This is really working out well as instead of waking up at 530am/6am and starting days off early, Max is waking up at 700-730am, it totally makes a huge difference in his mood when he not only gets a good nights sleep but sees us beside him when his eyes first open. We do let him CIO after the bed time routine just so he knows how to put himself to sleep sans pacifier, in his crib, and alone in his room- im waiting for the day when all of these dots are connected for 10+ hours of uninterrupted sleep nights! Bedtime continues to be at 8pm, and get this...we dropped a nap, and now only have 1 nap a day! Usually a 1.5-2 hour nap, but this is definitely a significant change in the routine as we have always known.

Though i still breastfeed twice a day (first wakeup feed, before bed feed), i only do this when i'm off. During my day shift, i dont attempt to dream feed or even wake Max up early to nurse. I just let him sleep and Gene says he has adapted. When i come home from a day shift, I continue to give Max his bedtime feed which has significantly changed from 6min (in January), to a whopping 20-30 minute nursing session per demand! During my night shift, I no longer feed him before going to work because he refuses (too full from dinner) and there have been night shift transition days when i dont even feed him for 24 hours, and again, Gene says he's adapted. I have noticed though that his morning feeds are quite short, more like a snack in terms of time length...i think a weaning process for me and him has started. I am ok with this rate, but not this rate!

Im really happy with what's been going on lately in terms of our work-life schedules and balance. I'm trying to not get TOO comfortable though as i think Max's senses it and thus decides to change things up again...it'll always be something!

The new normal

Gone are the days when I would drop Max in the crib within 10 minutes of a sleep cue for a nap. Our new normal is sleeping in my arms, per request of the little one. This is the ultimate no-cry sleep solution for our home! Instead of whining about it, I have chosen to cherish our time together at this stage of his infancy. Before I know it, he's a teenage boy who wants to "break up" with his mamma, right?

He sleeps within minutes of me putting him in this cradle position, minimal if any pacifier use, he nuzzles his cheek against my breast, and with the other arm he sometimes caresses the other breast even in deep sleep! adorable! This new sleep routine has made way for excellent night sleeps in his crib (in the double digits)! Win win!

9 month Sleep Regression?

Not sure what is going on as of yesterday, but Max becomes hysterical whenever I put him down for sleep (naps and night sleep). Honestly, i just wrote a post celebrating Max's new sleeping abilities but now i can't publish it!

- new skills?
- development leap?
- dreaded heightened separation anxiety?
- all of the above!

when i pick him up and rock him, he calms and tries to go to sleep. however, once i put him down he freaks again. Hmmm...it's like having a newborn all over again. Poor little man. i dont even think it's worth it to do the sleep training right now. we co-slept last night after his feed, im thinking tonight we'll be doing the same.

i'm glad i don't have anything this week that requires critical thinking! *yawn*

photo credit

Update October 15: so far i've found the solution for naps and night sleep. No crying out involved! Woot! but i'm not going to to blog about it as i fear im going to jinx everything!

i don't have a plan yet though when he wakes up at night, hmm...

I've Moved Out!

photo credit

my brain is getting rest!

Tonight will be night 6 of having moved out of Max's room back into my room and bed! 

Bottom line, Max is a restless sleeper- thrashing, talking, slamming legs down on mattress, rolling, crying, making all sorts of noises. From newborn to 2 months, Max slept with us in the master bedroom in his bassinet. Then we moved him into his crib and I followed in the spare bed in his room. It's been such a roller coaster ride of trials related to sleep in the last 6 months (see beefs about it from "sleep" labels on the blog). Essentially, it's been about 6.5 months of lack of restful sleeps for me. It took it's toll when i had a really bad night and i felt guilty about taking it out on husband (anything he did wrong really just set me off and it wasn't fair for him). 

The first night of having moved out i slept from 3am-7am because i was nervous about leaving him in his room alone, i missed him, i missed the site of him, the way he would search for me in the dark if he was upset, opportunities i may be missing to bed share, and of course that i may sleep too deep that i may not be able to hear him. But i've realized that even in the deepest sleep, i continue to have bionic ears and I am able to promptly get up and respond to his issues. As for Max, he slept well that night and continues to sleep fine (he fed/feeds twice overnight). 

There are so many reasons that i've come to realize as to why i was having such crappy sleeps:

- i heard every rustling he did and would wake up from it (small room)

- i would respond too quickly to his rustling that it didn't give him the opportunity to soothe himself to sleep- again, because i was too close and i wanted a fast solution (feed then sleep)

- when he sees me, even my silhouette, that would rouse him just enough to decide that i was going to save the night. so 9/10 times i had to...multiple times

- before we used to bed share after his last wakeup before official wakeup. but i was getting into the habit of bed-sharing after the 2nd wakeup (because i knew this practice extended his sleeps more than 3 hours, and i wanted sleep). some nights he went to sleep right away, but other nights he thought this was fun and decided he would exercise all his new learned skills right beside me at 2, 3, 4am

- because i was so roused from His restlessness, thoughts, ideas, stupid radio songs started flooding into my mind that i had difficulty going back to sleep while he slept..and when i finally did fall back asleep, he would wake up within a short amount of time for another round

- bed sharing turned into kicking, arm whacks in the face, talking to me, laughing, eating pillows etc hehe

- as for Max, i think he was having poor sleeps because my presence was stimulating him

Now

- i sleep at 1030pm as per usual

- Max wakes up twice over night to feed, im happy, he's happy

- i get deep sleeps, and can go back to sleep right away even after getting up as my room is QUIET

- i'm sure Max is making the same restless sounds but i dont hear it and he appears to be sleeping thoroughly

- I hear the first loud whimper and then i get up. I can even tell the difference between the "i'm sleepy whimper" - which i dont get up. and the "i need something" whimper which i get up and feed for a few minutes and he goes back to bed

- if Max gets up at 6 and it sounds like the "im going to play" sounds, i move back into the bedroom and either feed or pacifier and we bed share until wakeup time (despite it's inconsistency, i really love bedsharing with him. he has to touch me to sleep, i touch him. sometimes im holding his hand, and other times i can just look at him and giggle to myself as i witness his sleep mannerisms i LOVE IT)

- ive decided that im not going to insist on him waking up at 720ish anymore, when he wakes up i wake up and we just have a later first nap. usually it's within the same hour window anyways

- i feel groggy but so well rested in the morning

- no longer snapping at husband as fast or as often

- i dont have a monitor so our doors are cracked open, the only thing bothering me is that Moe the cat might walk in and start meowing and waking up Max (another stimulant). but so far so good, thank goodness i dont have a nocturnal cat!

- it's been really hot in Vancouver lately so i do have the fan on. I wonder if Max is sleeping because of the white noise from the fan...hmmm...i'd have to play around with that

Whatever

I'm getting sleep! Max is sleeping! Let the party begin! 

Another Sleep Post..zzzzzz

At 6 months, I continue to be on the sleep training project. It's seriously a roller coaster, it's always something!


somewhere between 7am-720am is our wake up time
first nap around 830am
bedtime 830pm

cuteness in all its glory

• Lately i've been gifted with at least 45 minute naps 3 times a day. The most he's ever lasted was an amazing 2 hours (more than once too)! 
• Has anyone heard of the 2-3-4 baby sleep schedule? It's where after baby first wakes up, he lasts for 2 hours before first nap...then awake for 3hrs....then awake for 4hrs then bedtime
• Max is kind of on this schedule, but if he goes for 4 hours without napping, he becomes Mr. Grumpy after his bath. as expected, the bath triggers and heightens his relax mode and he can't even wait to dry off and get into his pi's before he can be put to bed (lots of overtired crying here)
• He's most resistant to napping during the evening. when i put him down in his crib, he knows it's sleep time and is almost instantly upset. Too bad for my poor parents who visit at this time! until recently, he just REFUSED to sleep between 4-8pm despite how tired he is. but, probably my fault as hindsight is 20/20 ...see below
• however, i've been having some successes these last 4 days with afternoon sleeps by pretending i'm also sleeping in the bed beside his crib. he goes down, i lie down. he cries for a little bit and I'm on my side not making eye contact with him (but watching with one eye). He plays around in his crib, cries a little, sees that I'm there but not talking to him (which instantly would rouse him if i did) and within 20 minutes or so he's asleep! something about me not interacting with him signals that it's quiet time as for the most part, he's quietly entertaining himself too. i love this technique right now because he's put down awake and I'm not per say Ferberizing him, but I am letting him cry a little but also know that he's safe as i didn't abandon him in his room to cry out alone. furthermore, i think I'm also teaching himself to self soothe to sleep without being so harsh
• i always did this for his first naps to set his body clock and it always worked. I guess i didn't apply this earlier to his evening naps because i have other things to do during the evening besides investing 20 minutes in waiting for him to sleep, but i've decided those things can now wait (or i've delegated the tasks) so Max can sleep
• As for sleeping at night, he's waking up a lot. I've rationalized this to teething and growth spurts so I'm just going with it 
• I'm not nursing him to sleep, just nursing him to drowsy. I'm staying conscious on how his sucks feel...whether he's swallowing or just nibbling and then i unlatch him
• Max is now waking up at 1130pm (feed then bed), 2am (feed and then bedshare), 4am (decides to practice his new skills, super restless beside me, goes back to sleep around 5am!, feed), and sometimes whimpering around 6am and then goes back to sleep all to be woken up around 720am. WOW I'm tired
• before Max would sleep soundly beside me on his back, now he has to be on his belly. although i find it cute/amazing/loving/wonderful that he always has to touch me while we're bed sharing, it's a bit much when he has to raise his legs and slam them on the mattress (as he hits me), and spread out like a star (as he whacks me), and roll around adjusting himself (as he kicks me) lol
• 4am seems to always have been the witching hour with this little man...i went into labor at 4am, and ever since he was a newborn he always woke up at 4am due to something
• I've been contemplating on weaning him from his night feeds but it just doesn't seem right for me to unlatch him when he's still hungry and expect him to go to sleep
• car motion still puts him to sleep
• he's been hating the car seat as i think it makes him hot and sweaty (which leads to an eczema outbreak)
• I'm still sleeping in his room with him. although i love it, i also want my bed back. i haven't really thought about him sleeping on our king bed though as he's restless..what if he falls over the side or between the mattress and the wall? anyone have advice?

Why can't he be a champion sleeper like me?! boo hoo

part time co-sleeper (a rambling)

well let's just say that Max's sleep this month has turned a 180! BUT, i've taken it like a grown adult and posting not just to beef, but to reflect and chronicle these new changes.

1) NAPS
Max has gone from napping 45 minutes, to 30 minutes 3-4x a day.  On average, his awake window is still 2 hours, but lately, he's been staying up 3-4 hours especially in the evening. UNCOOL, as he becomes Mr. Grumpy nearing the 7pm mark and this is the time when my parents can come over to visit him!

Furthermore, he doesn't even sleep long in the carseat anymore. yes, motion will definitely lull him to sleep, but once motion stops...eyes are big and bright! i remember those days at the mall when he would sleep for 3 hours in the car seat as i strolled around. so sweet and peaceful. not anymore, either motion stops or the 30 minute mark has come- whichever is first, he wakes up. can i say UNCOOL again?

To extend his first nap, I've changed my entire day routine from staying up during his first nap to eat, catch up on emails, watch breakfast television, and just to whatever i can in the time he's asleep to just going to bed with him. All sleeps start off in the crib when at home, and if he can lull himself back to sleep in the crib, awesome, but this doesn't happen that often. so in the morning, he's in the crib, and I'm in the twin bed in the same room. when he wakes up, i wait about 5-10 minutes to see what the follow through is. if he escalates, i pick him up and he sleeps beside me.  Instantly, the crying/whimpering stops, he might squirm a little, but the volume of his vocals significantly decreases, he turns his head towards me, and he closes his eyes.  I love these times!  HE ALWAYS SLEEPS! Despite the fact that i'm pretty hungry, i either stay there and lie awake or lightly go back to sleep.  we wake up around 1030-11am. This clocks in about a 2 hr first nap...im super happy with this.!

2) NIGHT SLEEP
Max's night sleep is like a roulette table, seriously you just don't know what the night will be like.  i feed him quite often during the day to load up on the calories, i maintain his night routines and bed time, the room temp is ideal, he's bathed and smells great. Some nights he sleeps well, and some nights, UGH! I've stopped dream feeding him and basically won't wake a sleeping baby anymore unless i have to. he's pretty chubs, he's got a lot of reserves! Anyhow, i wait until he wakes up, and if he does...a couple minutes of squirming to see what he will do with himself but not to the point of escalation, and then i feed him. Sometimes, he just goes right back to sleep.  More nights than i would like, he wakes up multiple times at odd times (i.e.. 2 hrs after going down for sleep) and crying. I wait a few minutes like always, then feed, and put back to bed. at this time, I'm literally praying he goes back to sleep! haha. anyways, if he doesn't i do what i do with naps and I bring him with me and we sleep together.

just awesome as how he is instantly comforted when beside me. he's a bit of a restless sleeper though like he scratches my face or hits my face, lifts his legs up in the air and slams them on the mattress (I've discovered this is a soothing technique), and sometimes cries in his sleep.

3) SLEEP Positions

i can't say i have an AMAZING sleep 100% of the time whenever he sleeps beside me.  initially, i face him, have my arm around him, and  have my eyes partially opened so i can see what he's doing. i love seeing him turn his head side to side (a soothing technique), look at me, smile, shut his eyes, and smiles again even more (maybe it's reflex smiles? LOVE!). i've noticed for him to settle even faster, our faces our literally 2inches apart from each other, nose to nose. when he's extra restless, i put my head on his shoulder and he briefly turns his head side to side again, but i guess my smell lulls him to sleep as it doesn't take long for him to settle.  our breaths don't synchronize but they're definitely calm and relaxing. Ive also noticed that he has to touch me at various times throughout the night (so sweet).  i have yet to take this practice to the master bedroom on our king bed, perhaps this month!

4) Support

in my search for "is what i'm doing ok?", i asked Mama in the CIty of her experience as she's done this before. I always find her answers supportive and reassuring (thank you!).

I searched further on the net and came across this website on part time co-sleeping on attachmentparenting.org - I can totally relate to this website log!

I also LOVE Dr. Sears' article on co-sleeping co-sleeping: yes, no sometimes?  it describes Max and I's sleep positions so well (aka, less rambling like i have done) as well as our experience.

***There's still that SIDS issue that keeps lingering in my head. Also, i haven't exactly boasted about this to my parents yet who may not understand...especially after watching a show about that mom who's being charged for murder after both her babies died while co-sleeping! READ up on Vanessa Clark.

I'm happy and feeling no guilt. Max is sleeping and seems happy. Getting there!

What a night

Well last night was a complete write off for sleep! max woke up at 12am thrashing as always (midnight, 3am, 6am are his favorite times now). I thought it was just a temp thing with the Swaddle but now I'm fed up and going to go cold turkey with the no-Swaddle anymore night routine. Prior to this I was unswaddling only one arm for naps to get him used to it ...from the patterns I was seeing, left arm Swaddle = 45-60min naps, if right arm swaddled = 30-45minnaps. Night time, Swaddle for now. I was prepared to take this on for 2-3 weeks but now...

NOPE!

last night he woke up at midnight thrashing and crying as he realized he was swaddled, so I gave him what he wanted, his hands = no swaddling! he cries when swaddled, cries when not swaddled...I was seriously contemplating whether to just keep him swaddled as at least the crying time would be definite vs the unknown reaction to the no swaddling. Hmmmm...woke up at 12, 130, 5, 6. Clocking in 20-45 minutes of crying almost each time. Notice the gaps? it's cuz I dream fed him at 2am and basically 2-5 was the only sleep I got.

Watch out world, not sure if I can help being a complete bitch today! Hehe

new plan as of last night:
No swaddling for naps or night time sleep, use sleep sacs
Teach baby how to self soothe
dream feed overnight

***June 3 night 2 addendum: max slept in a sleep sac from 9pm-615am. No crying! I dream fed him 3x (11, 230, 5) as I was worked up, waking prematurely in a state of mild anxiety with every peep, and wondering "should I...shouldn't I" every time I was woken up. I wasn't prepared to wake up so early so I brought him into bed with me and we slept until 730!

***june 4 night 3: slept 9-6, no crying, mild peeps, 2 dream feeds (1 and 445), 6-645am lots of tossing and thrashing but no crying, tried to extend sleep until 7 am but I think he had enough.

***june 5 night 4: slept 9-5 with one bottle dream feed from dad (omg I know). 30 sec restlessness at 1145pm, resettled with a little head caressing. Soother popped in at 5am as he woke up crying but eyes closed, and slept till 715am.

***june 6 night 5: max's naps have gone from 45mins to 30 mins 4x a day. Why oh why? He was such a restless little man last night. He wakes up, lifts his legs and drops them on the bed ... Almost every 1.5hrs multiple times. Hard to sleep but definitely better than crying. 1 dream feed. Soother at 6am, official wake up time 7am

***june 7 and 8: we are officially Swaddle free! Woot!

Porker

Max is 15lbs 13oz and 62 cm long!

our next goal is to wean from swaddling. I'm not sure if Max wants to though as he's not trying to break from the Swaddle, not rolling from back to tummy, can't achieve a sound quality sleep when I did try to Swaddle only one arm, and last but not least...I don't want him to cry and become mr. Grumpy aka I'm terrified to fully commit yet.

Ah well....perhaps some researching online is due before I attempt this. good sleep = happy baby = growing healthy baby

Growing so fast

Yay Maximoo is 4 months old!

Let's start with something super important to me...SLEEP! After that one hell-week of sleep training, Max is sleeping happily from 845-9pm to about 7am with no crying in between 99% of the time! YES! I dream feed him around 1am and 5am-ish and he is ready for the day at around 7am (can't win them all). Naps are still at 45 minutes. sadly, he doesnt fall asleep for hours in car seat anymore while strolling...only if it is initiated by a car's motion...boo!

ive witnessed him multiple times go from back to his side about 50% of the way...enough to kind of worry me about the back to tummy rolling business and how i shouldn't be swaddling anymore when this happens. So today i've started to swaddle with one arm out for naps...but will keep the two arms swaddled for the night. Lets see how this goes.

Max's eyes are showing rings of brown, but still grey/blue in some areas...i think he'll turn out to have those really light brown eyes type or a hazel-ish color. But definitely not blue.

He was weighed at childrens and he's now 15lbs 4oz. His length is at 62cm.

He can roll over from tummy to back...but only when he feels like it. I managed to capture one on video, but have no idea how to upload online...boo! he is so strong during tummy time! I remember the times when we were just trying to get him to turn his head to one side...now he just freely does what he wants

Lots of vowel sounds and consonant sounds happening from the little boy...ive heard him say "mum" but i dont think it's the official you-are-my-mom connection. He's doing a lot of lip rolling...one of those say it don't spray it type of rolling. Love it!

We have giggles over here, but they're random. I can be doing the same thing a few hours later and no giggles to be had.

He's in the 3-9 month clothing now (yes 9 months) and still in #2 swaddlers. though i do have #3 cruisers ready when this box is done

We have a small flat spot and bald spot at the back of his head from all his back-is-best sleeping

We are on the ergo with no infant insert, wow!

4 month vaccinations on tuesday...poor littleguy!

I'll take what I can get

So it's been about 8+ days since i started using the sleepeasy method with Max. I can't say i've been to rigid on this method as the requirements for it are that he's at least 14lbs and that he's 4months old. He definitely wasn't 4 months old, and i'm not sure how much he weighs as our next weigh in is on May 22nd when he gets his 2nd round of vaccines. I also admit that i didn't buy the book as well, i was in the not-another-book phase. i simply am in this January mom online baby group and asked one of the moms with a baby that sleeps like a champ to just give me the steps so i can get this going ASAP. Thank goodness she didn't come bak to me with a, "buy it at chapters" response!

As harsh as it may sound, I was getting pretty fed up with his night time sleeping. It was ok when when he was waking up every 4 hours or so. His schedule was going down at 11pm and waking up around 9am, but about 3 weeks ago, he started to wake up almost every exhausting hour (or two)! I don't know what changed really, I gave in to the possibility of a growth spurt so I put up with it for about a week and a half and then it eventually turned into every hour, and then every 45 minutes! It was like his night sleep cycles turned to mimic his crappy nap cycles...I couldn't take it! I remember the last night when i had E-N-O-U-G-H, he woke up around midnight, cried...pacifier..slept...45mins later (or sooner if the paci fell out)...same thing...then the same thing..and again, and again...ALL NIGHT. I've read about the parents who use the pacifier as a sleeping device and having to wake up everytime it fell out of the babies mouth, hell no was I going to do that! Furthermore, as one who was doing all the night time parenting...i was EXHAUSTED. And as someone who wakes up with the baby and exclusively breastfeeds, I feel (or am I actually?) doing all the day time parenting as well. With his 45minute naps, and 2 hour wake time loops...can i say this again...EXHAUSTED! To exacerbate the situation, i was once the type that needed to put my head down on the pillow and i would be out...during this time, it was also taking me at least an hour to get back to sleep, and by the time i was in la-la land, it was time to wake up again. Perhaps i was experiencing the overstimulated-overtired-can't sleep issues babies have.

I don't know if i'm allowed to actually reprint the method as this is an online forum, but i'd be happy to share it in a private direct message. I did record my week of this, and it significantly has improved...though i'm still tired! haha oh well, can't have it all. For those that don't know, the sleepeasy method is a form of cry it out...but because i'm not too familiar with the Ferber method (didn't read up on it in depth), i was ok with what I learned about this method. Using this method, there were no props like toys, sleep machines, or pacifiers. Strict swaddle, and put down while he's AWAKE. The purpose is for him to learn how to soothe himself (back) to sleep.

Night 1- May 3:
Woke up 0845
Bed winddown at 9pm, lights out 930pm.
Woke up and cried 1020-1050, 355-455, 600-650
Fed at 1am (after crying, bad mistake on my part)
Official wake up time: 8am

Night 2- May 4
woke up 8am
lights out 9pm
awake and crying 930-1010pm, 1050-11pm, 220-230am, 645-655am
dream feed 1120pm and 445am
official wake up time 0755am

Night 3- may 5
woke up 755am
lights out 848pm
awake and cried 1138-1148pm, 0600-0650am
dream feed 0300
official wake up time 0745

night 4- may 6
woke up 0745am
lights out 850pm (no crying just out like a light)
woke up crying 218-248am
dream feed 0400
official wake up time 0700

night 5 - may 7
woke up 0700am
lights out 855pm (out like a light)
slept 855-0655 uninterrupted!!!!!
Dream feed 0100 and 0425am
awake 0655

night 6- may 8
woke up 0655
lights out 845pm
awake and crying 1230-1248am
woke up at 0600 (and instead of letting him cry, i put him to bed with me and we slept till 0730)
dream feed 0130 and 0450
official wake up 0730

night 7 - may 9
awake 0730
lights out 9pm
woke up and cried 1240-0108am
dream feed 0245 and 0500
woke up 8am (forced awake to have some sort of wake time body clock consistency)

night 8 - may 10
awake 8am
lights out 850pm
awake and crying 0358-0438
dream feed 0100, 0520
official wake up time 0730

So this is where I am today. Im not sure what happened on that night when he slept throughout the night. From what im reading, sleeping throughout the night means 5 hours anyways...but of course, i wish it were LONGER! I also don't have a method as to when to dream feed, I still think he's young, so i don't want him to go without for too long of a period...so 2 feeds at night i'm ok with. Eventually I will start weaning that off, but i'm in no major rush.

I have to say that the crying is AGONIZING and downright painful and heartbreaking. I sleep in the same room as him and it's hard, Hard, HARD. But he's learning. I put him down AWAKE for naps, and though he fusses a little (like max 5 minutes), he goes to sleep on his own. I don't let him cry it out though for naps, if he wants to sleep for 45 minutes, then let it be. He gets tonnes of hugs and kisses and mommy time while awake...can you tell i feel guilty?

Bedtime (a la Lucie's List)

Yes I know, another bedtime blog! I can't help it...seriously there are three things I'm obsessed with right now 1) Max 2) Max (and I) getting sleep and 3) teak furniture.

Anyhow I just got this email from"Lucie's list" and it rings so true for my household. What wears me out are early wakings (ie. day shift at work) but even if I had a crappy night, just waking up later ...as in after 10am...really re-energizes me! Ahhh well, one day it'll happen for me again. Right now Max has a bedtime of 9pm with wind down happening around 815pm. His wake up time is varied between 7am-745am. I know it may be harsh to say but for my sanity's sake, I will not accept a wake time earlier than 7am. That's another can of worms.

Now on to Lucie's email, purely copy and pasted!

"The Experts Say...

According to sleep experts, there IS, in fact, a perfect, naturally occurring bedtime. This time is roughly 7pm. Why 7pm? Research has shown that "heart rate, blood pressure and release of cortisol (a stress-regulated hormone) are all affected in a positive way by an early bedtime."... "although it may seem backward, most children who go to bed late have more night wakings and wake up earlier in the morning", from the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

Says she (just kidding, I actually do like her book a lot).

This 7pm-bedtime situation is all well and good assuming that a good wake-up time for YOU and the rest of your family is about 6am (give or take). Yes, 6am works perfectly for some: for working parents, for parents with other kids who need to be up for school, or just for early risers (or annoying early morning yoga-do'ers). For those people, this bedtime is ideal.

However (ahem), this wakeup time is not desirable for everyone. For some of us, it's just a wee bit too early. But more importantly, it just doesn't work for our family. Here's why.

The Real World

In the real world, it's not just about your baby's needs; it's about aligning your baby's needs with the rest of the family. Compromising. For example, I know TONS of parents who don't stand a chance in hell of getting home from work before 7pm on a regular basis. If those kids went down at 6:30 or 7pm, mommy or daddy (or both) wouldn't see their kid at all before said child goes night-night. As a parent, does that feel wrong to you? It should, because THAT is messed up (yeah, I said it).

My best friend's husband is a surgeon. He gets home at about 7:30pm on a good day. They all have dinner together, then he puts his kids to bed. It's a great way for them to reconnect at the end of a long day. Do they wake up later than most kids? Yes, but they get to see their daddy every day. Everything is a tradeoff.

My own husband doesn't get home until 7pm (or else he gets a flogging). We have dinner right away, then we start Lucie's bedtime routine. She doesn't conk out until about 8:30 (ok, ok, 9) and she wakes up around 7:30 or 8am. Is this what the experts recommend? Nope. But I really don't care because it works for us.

Point being: you have options. If putting your kid to bed in the middle of the afternoon (kidding) works for you and your family, great! And if it doesn't, that's okay too.

Do what works.

The Formula

For those of you who need a later bedtime for whatever reason, here is the formula I use... pick the time that you want to wake up in the morning: 7am? 8am? 9am? Then subtract 11 hours (and starting at 12 months of age, you'll subtract 11.25 hours).

Example: if you want to wake up at 8am, your target "to sleep" time is about 9pm. This does NOT mean that bedtime starts at 9pm, nay. Subtract however long you need for your bedtime routine + time it takes for baby to actually fall asleep, usually at LEAST a half hour. Remember, you want them to be ASLEEP by 9pm (in this example).

**I understand that many of your babes are not yet sleeping through the night. That's okay, they will soon (11 hours, CAN YOU IMAGINE???). Statistically, it happens for most between 4-6 months if it hasn't happened already **

**A four-month old baby needs about 14.5-15 hours of total sleep per day, usually with 3 daytime naps, FYI.

Rinse and Repeat

Once you've picked a bedtime, stick to it! Consistency is really important. I'm not saying you can't have the occasional night where you're out late with babe at dinner or at a holiday or a family gathering, but in general, try to do the best you can. This will establish a clear expectation that bedtime strictly occurs at [X] o'clock and that's what your baby - and later, your toddler - will expect from you each and every night. No haggling or fussing or negotiating.

Creating good bedtime habits now will pay dividends into the future. Promise"

45 minute intruder

Anyone else's baby nap for just 45minutes to the button? Seriously, I've been talking with other moms of the same age group as Max and they just love boasting about how great their baby naps. Then I look at Max's sleeping habits and well he certainly doesn't fall in that category!

I like this website that explains this intruder in a bit more depth

http://blogginaboutbabies.wordpress.com/2009/05/08/nap-trouble-the-45-minute-intruder/

I really like the tip on placing a firm hand on their chest in the 40-45minute mark. Of course the first day (as in all three naps), it worked and he slept for 2hrs each nap session. But after, it hasn't worked since...boo! Today I was there for 5 minutes and just like textbook, he startled at the 45min mark. I was there and he went back to sleep for another 15minutes. Not bad! But my back was kind of hurting from being hunched over.

as today marks night 4 of sleep training, I'm going to set nap training aside as the kid needs a breather. he definitely cannot go more than 2hrs awake or WATCHOUT! I like watching and bonding with him anyways, trying to figure out his sleep cues, and so far the only ones that register with me are yawning and the near-2hr-mark clock schedule. with either one I get him swaddled and right to bed awake! He fusses/cries a little and then he's out for another 45min cycle.

He wakes up and I let him fuss for a few minutes and see if he'll go back to sleep (never) and then I go in and we start another nap loop! He wakes up pretty happy and content, so he may just be the type that doesn't need that long of a sleep to file in that brain of his what he just learned.

Night sleep is another story...

Agony = sleep training

After not sleeping well for the last month and a half (by not sleeping well, I mean waking up q2-3hrs a night for various reasons and me taking an hour to get back to sleep after almost every waking), I've decided to start sleep training Max. I think he's ready. He definitely has gone 7 hrs without waking approx 5 days before his first set of shots, and looking at the weight he's been gaining, I think he has plenty of reserves.

As I'm writing this, I'm on night 3 of the Sleepeasy method. Yes, a form of crying out (don't judge), but we'll see what happens. It is definitely hard as i sleep in the same room as him, so im listening to him cry under the covers. AGONY! Believe me, during the day he gets LOTS of hugs and kisses. Plus, he still gives me the biggest smiles once he sees me in the morning.

I feel guilty, but I also don't...as he needs to learn, and plus, besides the odd freak in the work place, can you really tell what sleep training method was used amongst your own coworkers when they were infants?
Nope. I doubt baby will think I'm no longer there for him.

I've been logging each day to see our progress, I will definitely share it after week 1!

Below is Max, taken today, his skin much much improved. I've been using the calendula cream on his breakouts and continuing the probiotics...so far it is under control!